Are You Afraid?

I was walking home from Molly’s Bistro the other day and had the good fortune to run into a beautiful friend of mine who asked me, “Are you worried about the river?”

“Do you mean, am I worried about the river flooding again this spring?” I clarified.

“Yes,” she said.

“No,” I said, “Not at all. I love this river and I’m not afraid of it or its flooding. Truthfully, if Mother Nature wants this river to flood, it’ll flood. I am more concerned about ‘the powers that be’ who have a stake in this particular water system. I have more faith in Mother Nature than I do in them. I hope that they have learned from their errors that contributed to last year’s spring flooding”

“I love this river too,” she honestly replied, “but I am afraid of what might happen this spring. And you’re right, if Mother Nature chooses, there is nothing we can do about it, but I’ve been working in my basement all winter. We’ve done everything to the house that we can to protect it from another flooding. I just can’t go through it again.”

“Fair enough. I don’t want to go through another flooding disaster like last spring either. And, in a practical sense, I’ve got all basement renovations on hold now until after the spring melt, but I am also not worried about it. Simply because there is nothing I can do about it. I don’t believe in wasting my mental energy on something I cannot do anything about.

And in my personal belief system, everything happens for a reason. If it wasn’t for last year’s flood, you and I would not have met because I would not have presented at The Reading Writing Connection. If it wasn’t for the flood, you and I wouldn’t have experienced the strength of this community and its fine spirit. If it wasn’t for the flood, I would be unhappily stuck in my old job feeling miserable, as opposed to writing, presenting, life coaching and mentoring. And if it wasn’t for the flood, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, and for that alone, it was worth it.” With that we hugged, said our personal prayers to the river, and went our separate ways.

But the conversation stayed with me as I find myself reflecting on the question “am I afraid?” As I recall everything that has happened over the past year, I realize that nothing, absolutely nothing, about this year is like any other year I have experienced. All routines have been changed. All past patterns have been dismantled; continue to be dismantled. Everything is different.

As I write out this blog I think that I should feel daunted by that fact; however, I am awed that the exact opposite is true. I am so eternally grateful that everything is different. I am eternally grateful that my life is upside down; that I am writing chapter 5 of my manuscript; that I am still squeaking by on a line of credit; that I have made the decision to focus on life mentoring and joy coaching; that I continue to battle my personal fears and demons.

I feel more alive and invigorated by life than I have in a long while. That is the underlying difference in my life and the gift I received from the mental anguish I felt during the spring flood. Do I want to go through it again? No. Am I afraid to go through it again? No.

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2 Responses to Are You Afraid?

  1. Kelvin Mann says:

    As usual very well stated, I am not totally convinced about the belief that everything happens for a reason. But rather that when things happen we must find a way to deal with them, like some kind of cosmic test. I usually refer to this as the Murphys Law test, and I try to outsmart him as much as possible. The powers that be are saying “lets try this and see what they do with it”. In some cases we pass the test and figure out a way to overcome their little schemes, and for some of us it is to difficult and we find ourselves lost and find it easier to just give up.

    Thankfully so far I have managed to overcome these little tests. Unfortunately not everyone I come in contact with is able to do so. As for the river test, I was not flooded out, I just had to deal with navigating threw it for work, and do my part to help others get to and from their homes. So the answer to your question are you afraid? No! I am not afraid, if it brings people together to help and support each other then bring it on, because we need more of that.

  2. Kelvin Mann says:

    FEAR! One of the constants in life. It comes in all shapes and sizes, I recently went vehicle shopping. I have chosen to see just how far I can go without acquiring any credit debt, so off I went with an idea of what I wanted and an amount that I was sort of comfortable spending. I started looking.

    I went to dealerships first, this is where fear starts to rear it’s ugly head. How do you explain to the well dressed sales person that you are just looking to buy something cheap and as is,how are they going to treat you knowing that they are not going to get that nice big commission off of selling that shiny new car. Well it turns out that when you are car shopping on a tight budget they are just not the place to go, it seems that they don’t keep much in the way of older cheaper vehicles. It makes their lot less appealing to prospective new car buyers.

    So from there it was to the computer and Auto Trader and Kijiji. This is where fear really takes over, someone wants to sell their vehicle, hmmm why? Is there something wrong with it? Are they just wanting to replace it with something else, Bigger, smaller, faster? Are they telling me everything? Am I going to buy this vehicle and start driving it home? Only to have it quit on the way, forcing me to call a tow truck and then try and talk the seller into taking it back and returning my money, after all as is means as is, for better or worse.

    Well I picked a few to look at and after careful inspection I chose one that I felt was the best of the worst, one that hopefully would need few repairs to make it road worthy. So far so good I obtained a trip permit, I made it home and so far during my 10 day shake down it is working well, yes it will need some TLC to get it to pass a safety inspection but so far nothing out of the ordinary just the usual wearable items. Woo hoo take that fear. I wonder what I should try next? House Flipping? Hmmm.

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