Good beautiful Easter morning. For the first time in over 20 days I finally feel like writing. For the past two months I gave up my daily journal writing with the intention of channeling my writing focus into my book, The Beauty of Disaster. What transpired in me by not writing daily is a story for another blog entry, but suffice to say, I arrived to a point where I felt I lost my voice. And I can honestly say that terrified me. What I have come to understand though is that I didn’t actually lose my voice; I was looking for my voice. The voice that people listen to, internalize, and act upon. The voice that has integrity in its authority, versus the one that has authority over others. A voice I can use in my personal and public writings and speeches. In essence, an “I believe in you” voice. And what more beautiful time to exercise that voice but on a beautiful Easter morning.
So I am giving myself permission to merge my morning journal writing with my blog writing. What that means in the long run, I have no idea. What it means for today and the next while? That I am finding and practicing a voice of integrity for me and thereby for compassionate people because I am tired of having to raise my voice for people to listen. I’m tired of having to raise my voice so that I yell louder than the controlling negative bully so that people can hear me. And in this difficult voice finding process, I am giving myself permission to simply sit and watch the river, for hours, for days, and contemplate and feel and move when I feel the need. I’m even honouring this as work. Very hard work. Because to sit in silence in order to listen to your heart is hard work. And this is what my heart had to say this morning:
“It is time. And this new journal series will be called “Finding a Voice” which is exactly what I am trying to do – Find My Voice. My Voice of Authority. My Voice of Integrity. A Voice that gets heard by people. People of Compassion – yes. But even more – by people of power. People who won’t listen. People who have disregarded their quiet contemplative compassionate counterparts along the way. It is their turn to be quiet, but more importantly, to take ownership for their part, their contribution to why their relationships, their place of employment, their controlling ways has contributed to why our system and its people are so messed up.
But truly, at the end of the day, it is time for all of us to take Ownership. No one in this glorious country of ours has a gun pointing to our heads forcing us to say and do what we do. No one. It’s time for us to stop playing the role of the victim and start acting like the honourable people that we are. It’s time to start caring for each other and to stop assuming the other person is trying to cheat us – that is a patriarchal business plan and strategy. That is an archaic system! Ours is an archaic system!
For us to have a sustainable system, one where we don’t deplete Mother Nature’s assets, then we have to start striving for LESS!!! We have to instill in our behaviours and our hearts the adage that – Less is More. Because right now we have a tonne of More. The proof is in the landfills that are exploding with our More.
But it sure feels like, as a people, we have less. Beyond the fact that we are in a perpetual state of complaint about how little we have, we are shallow in our intelligence. We are disconnected from our heart. There is very little passion. Integrity is looked down upon. As is truth and honesty. Look at our legal system, our government system, any system that we have put into place. It’s all about hiding truth and honesty. If you tell the truth you’ll be punished. If you lie through your teeth you’ll be rewarded.
Never ask permission. Only ask for forgiveness. Because you know there’s a rule out there somewhere saying you can’t. We have given our power and control way to the loud, the negative, the obnoxious – did I mention loud? The ones who complain, cajole, criticize, shame, blame, guilt.
We have all learned and have been indoctrinated to do all of those things. But there are those few of us, although I believe many more than we realize, of people who are naturally empathetic. We were and are easily identified. We are the kind children in the playground. Sensitive and caring. We listen to instruction and we want to please those around us because we know that if we can make everyone happy the energy shifts to one of joy and then we can have fun too. We don’t understand why everyone else chooses to make things difficult; why they choose not to work together. Why they choose not to listen. Why their opinion has to be more right when it doesn’t solve anything to be more right. Why.
Why won’t they listen to me? The true voice of reason and compassion. The one who will make everyone feel good about their ideas and help everyone find a meeting place where parts of all the ideas work together. A place where everyone’s talents shine because the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. A place where it’s not about whose part of the puzzle is the shiniest. The best. The brightest.
The reason it all works. It all works because we are all a part of it. Just like in nature. Take away the annoying biting insignificant insect and you destroy an entire eco-system that relies on that annoyance for sustenance. Who is to say that insect does not play an integral part in the whole of the eco-system? Or the beautiful dandelion. The one the Weed Man keeps attacking. That nasty beautiful yellow flower that blows wispy floats into the breeze spreading gorgeous golden colour. That bad dandelion!
That’s how I feel as a compassionate caring person. That I have kept things pretty and humming. Problem is that I, and other compassionate people, have allowed the loud, obnoxious, “I’m more shiny than you” people to run the show. You see them everywhere. In the classroom they are the 3-10 students who believe that it is their right to make life miserable for everyone. They are the 3-10 adults in each work place that carry such a negative energy the environment is toxic. So then we promote them to the “Upper Up Positions,” not because we believe them good at their jobs, but because we want to be rid of their negative controlling energy.
I watched a Dr. Phil show, a long while ago now, on the new face of the teenage bully – the smart intellectual ones that come from the “good” homes and I was so irritated. We adults are funny about the bully, especially when we can’t see that these young people are learning from us. I was irritated because I wondered where Dr. Phil thought these saavy, cruel, intelligent young teens went when they grew up? They become the bosses and CEO’s of companies. They are the Principals and Superintendents and Human Resource Officers. They move into positions of power and control. They are the ones we read about on Wall Street who have taken everyone’s retirement savings and get a meager slap on the wrist as they are locked up in their $10 million dollar mansions for 5 years. Poor things. How they suffer so. As for the people who lost their retirement savings? Well the business wrote that off so it’s all good, right?
Do you detect a note of bitterness? Irritation? Yes. It is time. It is time for me, for you to act from a place of authority and make change. How? I’m working on that a mile a minute, but the first place I’m starting is to recognize and believe in me and simply say, “Enough.” I have had more than enough. I am tried of walking through a society that acts like it is so hard done by. How tragic we are as Canadians to have all that we do. Poor us.
Get over it! Stop striving for More and start striving for Less. As for you compassionate people who have been run over by the egotist – start exercising your voice. Even if you have to scream and carry on like the bully. Sadly people don’t seem to listen anymore unless you’re yelling. But know this – You’ll never be a bully, even when you employ their tactics. It’s not in you.
What we compassionate people need to do is move the controlling negative people aside and take their place as Compassionate Leaders. A place where we can enforce kindness and compassion first. Business and bullshit second. I’m sure that from a “money making bottom line” standpoint it’s not a multi-million dollar profit idea. Instead its one where everyone has enough. And people feel valued. And care for others starts to be seen and people feel worthy and happy.
And the Controlling Bully Rationalist that is reading this is thinking, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. It’ll never work!” And that’s precisely why I know it will!!”
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