Facing Fear

Thank you to my wonderful reader, supporter and commenter, Kelvin, for the topic of this week’s blog. Last week, in his second comment to my blog, he wrote a piece about vehicle shopping and the fears that “rear their ugly head” as we take steps towards getting what we want.

First come the indoctrinated fears of “what will people think?” and “how will people treat me when they find out…?” It saddens me that we have been raised and our brains have been trained to go to these questions first, as opposed to: “I can’t wait to go because all sales people are going to be excited to work with me and help me find what I need because I live in a world where people don’t make judgments about personality based on how much money I have.” What saddens me even more is that we have all had experiences, too many to tell, where we have been judged by other people and we have been treated differently because they have found out about…

Fortunately, Kelvin didn’t experience “judgments” on the part of the sales people. As he stated in his comment: “…it turns out that when you are car shopping on a tight budget they [dealerships] are just not the place to go. It seems that they don’t keep much in the way of older cheaper vehicles. It makes their lot less appealing to prospective new car buyers.” Which speaks to another sad trend in our society that increases our fear – we value the optics of new and shiny. This adds to our daily diet of fear. Many stretch their budget to its limit in the name of new and shiny. Many stretch their stress in the name of new and shiny. There is less and less respect and appreciation for reliable and experienced; that is considered “used” or “old.”

In writing this I cannot help but see the correlation between the car and us. We value the young and hip. We do everything we can to stay young and hip. Thousands and thousands of dollars are spent on young and hip because once you hit reliable and experienced you are considered “old school” and “outdated” which hits a whole other set of fear buttons.

Turns out though, to find reliable and experienced older car models you have to turn to technology and go to Auto Trader and Kijiji, a whole other world ripe with fears. The “why are you” fear. The “how are you trying to cheat me” fear. The “are you telling me everything” fear. Again it saddens me that these are our first thoughts because it suggests that as humans we are liars and cheats first. Even sadder is that it is understandable that these are our first thoughts. We see it everywhere – our government officials are embroiled in scandals, the news is about the negative aspects of humanity, even in our daily interactions and conversations there seems to be an underlying tone of negativity and distrust.

My problem is that I don’t believe that people are liars and cheats first. I believe we came into this world with goodness and joy in our hearts. I do not believe that a baby came out of the womb as a lying and cheating baby. I believe people learn to lie and cheat in the same way that we learn to be skeptical, cynical and fearful; which means I also believe that we can learn to be honest and truthful, to be joyous, kind and respectful. In order for us to do that though, we must face our fears, give people the benefit of the doubt and trust our feelings.

Just like Kelvin did. He “…picked a few [cars] to look at and after careful inspection [he] chose one that [he] felt was the best of the worst…[he] made it home and…it is working well…Woo hoo take that fear.” And Woo hoo to you Kelvin! Thanks for sharing. Thanks for taking a chance. Thanks for facing your fear. Thanks for trusting your feeling.

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One Response to Facing Fear

  1. Kelvin Mann says:

    I agree completely with your belief that people don’t start out as liars and cheaters. I believe that it is society and our way of life that has changed us, as you put it “government officials embroiled in scandals, news focusing on negative aspects” heck we even can’t even go a day without bitching about the weather. Yes it has been a long, cold, snowy, winter and it will undoubtedly be a short not so hot but rainy summer. However it turns out it is out of my hands and I will try and make the best of it.

    So here is my new goal, well not completely new I have been working on it for a bit. I am going to do my best to go every day without complaining. I’m sure this will be a challenge, but what in life isn’t? The way I see it the best way to help with this plan is to limit the amount of time spent watching and listening to the news, to spend more time outside rain or shine or around the house working on projects. Unfortunately I still have to work and be out in the public, but I will do my best to steer conversations in a positive direction. For those people that are determined to engage me in their negativity I will simply just walk away.

    Also from now on I will do my best to provide you with positive topics for your blog. So no matter what the weather, everyday will have the potential to be like today Sunny and Bright.

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