Yesterday was that day for me, the day that I am calling “The February Rose.” The first day that actually felt like spring was around the corner. The snow was melting. The temperature was above zero. The jacket didn’t have to be zipped up. People were smiling. Birds seemed to chirp louder. The day felt longer. The tipping point. The realization that winter was moving into the latter half of the season. The pinhole of light shining into the February Blues.
At the beginning of the week I finally admitted and accepted that I was experiencing the February Blues. Despite a two-week reprieve from winter, I did not feel like my normal cheery self. Moving through the days felt heavier. It was harder to shift my perspectives to a more positive space and my fears seemed to subtly attach themselves to my thoughts. Gratefully my fears did not harass me like past years. I attribute that to all of the hard work I have put in to re-training my brain to a healthier, positive self-outlook. Now I am able to identify those fear spots as they enter my mind and my newly trained inner cheerleader and activist go right to work. (If you are interested in learning more about my mental health training program contact me at email@example.com☺)
So I reminded myself what the February Blues means to me. February (and arguably winter as a whole) is a natural time of introspection and acceptance of difficult change. A time to go inside. A time to honestly look at all areas of life, of beliefs, and assess their joy factor. Are there parts of my life that do not make me joyful? Are there beliefs of myself that I hold that make me feel badly about myself? If I answer yes to either of these questions, then I have to look more closely at the parts or beliefs. I have to ask myself what I need to change in order to feel more joyful. That usually brings up areas of fear. Things that need to be changed. The beautiful aspect of change is the freedom of fear. The daunting element of change is the snowball effect it has on other parts of your life, which brings up other fears, and inevitably the scary reality that there are a lot of fears.
In the past, the February Blues was a time to hold on to gratitudes like a life preserver because I was too afraid to face the big parts of my world that made me unhappy, like my relationship or my job. Fear of leaving either was palpable. The snowball effect of change overwhelming. The end result? Disaster. Why? I needed a disaster to force me out of the big parts of my world because I didn’t have the courage to walk away on my own. I needed a disaster to set me free. I needed a disaster to make me realize that my fears, both real and imagined, were blocking me from true inner joy. I needed a disaster to make me feel the freedom of the pain in facing one’s fears.
This February, the Blues reminded me of my fears and last year’s disaster. This February, the Blues reminded me that I do not want a repeat of last year’s disaster. So this February, I consciously looked for the parts that made me most afraid so that I can identify the fear and make a conscious plan to work on facing it as the snow melts and the sun shines brighter. Turns out this year’s fear is connected to last year’s disaster. Last year’s disaster kicked me out of my job and gave me the courage to start a business doing what I love – bringing joy to others through life coaching, motivating, writing, educating. This year’s fear is that the business won’t work. That fear is connected to old beliefs that I won’t be able to make enough money doing what I love to do. So what do I need to change in order to feel more joyful? Feel the power of me and possibility! I can do it. I bring joy to other people. I believe in me.
And what happens the moment I face my fear and believe in me? I meet with my very first life-coaching client and dance home with joy.
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